What if I fail?

I am amazed at how things have come together for me. Just a few months ago I had no idea where I was going to be living, or what I was going to be doing. Now, not only have I been admitted to a graduate program that I am ridiculously excited about, but I found out yesterday that I am receiving a graduate assistantship, and will be teaching undergraduate classes this fall.

My ultimate career goal is to be a college professor, so to be given the opportunity to teach now is insane. I am thrilled. I could pee my pants.

Let me tell you a secret… I’m also terrified. I can’t believe these people have so much faith in me. I feel like I was just seventeen and applying to college a few weeks ago. How can I possibly be prepared to teach these students who are practically my peers.

Part of me wonders what is wrong with these people who think that I am an “Outstanding Senior”, and I am ready to teach college students. They don’t realize that I am perpetually in search of my keys, get lost every time I visit some place new, and routinely wear socks that don’t match. I’m not an adult. I call my mother in tears on a weekly basis.

Although I am thankful to have received these accolades, I feel undeserving. I’ve been given everything that I could have possibly wanted. I have everything to lose? What if I don’t meet their expectations? What if I fail?

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Potential Pitfalls

With my trip to CHICAGO less than 3 days away I am a nervous wreck. I have always been a bit of a hypochondriac, but lately every little thing puts me on edge. Why are my ankles so stiff? What was that twinge in my calf? Is that a bruise on my foot. I am on constant ALERT for a nonexistent ailment. You know that the roommate is loving my whining…NOT!

However, I do have a real reason to be concerned. Being the brainiac that I am, I decided on a whim to donate blood last Wednesday. Yes, I did save three lives (that means good karma points, right???), but was that the smartest decision? NO! Red blood cells are essential for transporting oxygen, something that if I am not mistaken will be kind of important while traveling 26.2 miles. So, there is that to worry about.

I’m being extra certain to take my vitamins, and an additional iron supplement. Keep your fingers crossed that I have super fast red blood cell makers!