I am amazed at how things have come together for me. Just a few months ago I had no idea where I was going to be living, or what I was going to be doing. Now, not only have I been admitted to a graduate program that I am ridiculously excited about, but I found out yesterday that I am receiving a graduate assistantship, and will be teaching undergraduate classes this fall.
My ultimate career goal is to be a college professor, so to be given the opportunity to teach now is insane. I am thrilled. I could pee my pants.
Let me tell you a secret… I’m also terrified. I can’t believe these people have so much faith in me. I feel like I was just seventeen and applying to college a few weeks ago. How can I possibly be prepared to teach these students who are practically my peers.
Part of me wonders what is wrong with these people who think that I am an “Outstanding Senior”, and I am ready to teach college students. They don’t realize that I am perpetually in search of my keys, get lost every time I visit some place new, and routinely wear socks that don’t match. I’m not an adult. I call my mother in tears on a weekly basis.
Although I am thankful to have received these accolades, I feel undeserving. I’ve been given everything that I could have possibly wanted. I have everything to lose? What if I don’t meet their expectations? What if I fail?