What if I fail?

I am amazed at how things have come together for me. Just a few months ago I had no idea where I was going to be living, or what I was going to be doing. Now, not only have I been admitted to a graduate program that I am ridiculously excited about, but I found out yesterday that I am receiving a graduate assistantship, and will be teaching undergraduate classes this fall.

My ultimate career goal is to be a college professor, so to be given the opportunity to teach now is insane. I am thrilled. I could pee my pants.

Let me tell you a secret… I’m also terrified. I can’t believe these people have so much faith in me. I feel like I was just seventeen and applying to college a few weeks ago. How can I possibly be prepared to teach these students who are practically my peers.

Part of me wonders what is wrong with these people who think that I am an “Outstanding Senior”, and I am ready to teach college students. They don’t realize that I am perpetually in search of my keys, get lost every time I visit some place new, and routinely wear socks that don’t match. I’m not an adult. I call my mother in tears on a weekly basis.

Although I am thankful to have received these accolades, I feel undeserving. I’ve been given everything that I could have possibly wanted. I have everything to lose? What if I don’t meet their expectations? What if I fail?

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Who is going to kick your butt?

Last semester I took a class for school titled “Group Fitness Activities”. The class was designed for people who are going to be working in the health/ fitness industry in a variety of ways to have an initial exposure to group fitness classes. My instructor is also the head of the group fitness program at my school. Meet Sam…

Is it just me, or is he a little bit scary?

I fell in love, no not with the shirtless man covered in abs! I fell head over heels butt-crazy in love with group fitness. I could not get enough of it. I went to an additional four (plus or minus one) classes every week for the entirety of the semester. Sometimes I even went to multiple classes in one night!

I had myself added to an e-mail list of people interested in becoming group fitness instructors, and my instructor was very encouraging. I have a meeting with them in two weeks and I am terrified!

You might be wondering why I am being such a chicken. My response to that question is, “Ummm hello do you know me? I over-think EVERYTHING!!!” But also, I have been a lazy slob all summer long. Sure, I’ve gone on some nice leisurely runs. But I haven’t been pushing myself in the same way that I was in those high intensity classes. I certainly haven’t held a plank for any considerable amount of time.

This morning, as I laid in bed hitting snooze on my alarm (like I always do), I did something a little out of character. I was actually kind of stern with myself. Normally I am all about positive self talk, and being encouraging rather than punishing, but this morning I sat up, took a deep breath and said, “Layne, are you going to kick your own butt this morning, or are you going to let Sam do it for you?” I got myself out of bed, into some spandex, and hit the football stadium!

Hey it’s a start! I’m feeling a little bit proud, or maybe that’s just the endorphins.

Updates Galore

Well the month of July feels like it just slipped through my fingers. Soooooooo much has happened. I don’t feel like I can adequately bring you up to speed in a single post, but due to my blogging hiatus I am going to have to attempt to do just that. My apologies of course!

First of all, I received notification that I have been accepted into graduate school. After checking my e-mail in fifteen minute intervals for a matter of DAAAAAAAAAAAYS, the e-mail was sent while I was with my family at the beach, and managed to sit unnoticed in my inbox for a matter of HOURS. Isn’t that how life works? Of course I was elated and could not have hoped for better timing.

Once I knew that I was going to be sticking around the area for a couple more years, the immediate concern became WHERE. Everything sort of magically fell into place and I ended up moving into this BEAUTIFUL house!

I love it so much! I have never felt so connected with a building! I love living in a house (waaaaaaaaaay better than my tiny old apartment). But the house has come with its own set of problems.

#1. No furniture. I have actually been sitting on my floor to eat, which is less than ideal.

#2. Internet/ T.V. have not been connected yet. I was doing okay with this, until I realized that the olympics were going to be on this weekend! I CANNOT miss the Olympics! So, that problem is going to be solved early next week.

#3. I actually moved into the house first, so I was actually living there without any roommates which was sad and lonely.

The roommate-less-ness actually brings about another interesting update. Kim, who has been featured on this blog a number of times packed her bags and moved back to Connecticut. I cried. She cried. Our animals cried. We got drunk. The whole thing was very emotional. While I am of course distraught over her departure, she is happy to have returned to her homeland and is about to do amazing tings, like marry an engineer, embark on her own personal fitness makeover, and get a grown up job. It’s all very exciting. Hopefully she will start her own blog where she will be much more consistent with updates (hint hint). Anyways we are making it through this dark period through regular iPhone communication.

I have quit my previous waitressing job, and started another job (once again as a waitress). There are a number of reasons why this was the right move for me, but none of them really matter. The purpose of this blog is not to rant about how much waitressing sucks (although that would make for an interesting read). It should suffice to say that I am working at another restaurant and am exceedingly happy with the change. Also, I am going to start training for a bartender position, which is kind of a promotion, and should make for some interesting stories.

But the fun doesn’t stop there. Along with my graduate level classes, I will be a research assistant for a project that involves an exercise intervention for obese twelve to eighteen year olds! I know that teenagers are sassy, but I cannot wait to get things going. I don’t even have very much information, and I already feel PUMPED to be involved.

Also, I am going to become group fitness certified and teach classes!

Annnnnnnnnnnnd I had an interview on Monday to teach undergraduate level classes. I am not sure how many graduate students they interviewed or how many spots they are looking to fill, but all ten of my fingers and all ten of my toes are crossed! I am about to explode with excitement. I want to teach about as badly as I have ever wanted anything in my whole entire life!

As you can tell, things have been a little crazy, but overall I cannot complain one bit. Everything seems to be falling into place, and I feel so lucky/happy/excited!!!